Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
