there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
