If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
