walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
