What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
