Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is my gift to your gina
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why is there bacon in the couch?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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