He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
