It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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