"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
