is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Enjoy the penises
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
