i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was like eating out sand paper
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
