getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Randomize
