she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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