We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
