dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
