That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
