So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
