READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
whose parrot is this?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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