i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
