Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
