you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
