is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
