i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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