Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
