why didn't you poke me back
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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