Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
