Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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