he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
