UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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