happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
