Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
