Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
