Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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