you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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