I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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