those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
