I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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