My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
