dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Come see our sink grown plant.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
