Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
