he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
