Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
