So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
