called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
