Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease. http://tfl.nu/084h

Replies (9) Good night (2249) Bad night (2847)
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.

(516): View more from New York

You wear Armani Exchange.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue. (516): You wear Armani Exchange. http://tfl.nu/2dtf

Replies (16) Good night (790) Bad night (2240)
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug" http://tfl.nu/c6tu

Replies (22) Good night (5960) Bad night (1163)
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/4mpo

Replies (14) Good night (3997) Bad night (1172)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

You make your fellow Jews happy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio

Replies (16) Good night (6498) Bad night (1205)
Favorite
(406): View more from Montana

To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(406): To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved. http://tfl.nu/shxy

Replies (10) Good night (6551) Bad night (1129)
Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think http://tfl.nu/g5tp

Replies (15) Good night (1749) Bad night (845)
Favorite
(646): View more from New York

Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(646): Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/s0ys

Replies (5) Good night (3477) Bad night (805)
Favorite
(701): View more from North Dakota

Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(701): Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect. http://tfl.nu/4n2p

Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (996)
Favorite
(807): View more from Ontario

My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.

(1-807): View more from Ontario

I don't see the problem

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(807): My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive. (1-807): I don't see the problem http://tfl.nu/s96d

Replies (5) Good night (1742) Bad night (680)
Favorite
(719): View more from Colorado

Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(719): Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uyof

Replies (5) Good night (1577) Bad night (515)
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious. http://tfl.nu/b9k8

Replies (2) Good night (634) Bad night (401)
Favorite
(520): View more from Arizona

dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(520): dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first. http://tfl.nu/2u4z

Replies (32) Good night (482) Bad night (1387)
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans http://tfl.nu/4qeg

Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (864)
Favorite
(202): View more from Washington, DC

Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(202): Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE http://tfl.nu/38mm

Replies (10) Good night (731) Bad night (181)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard