Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.