I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling