just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.