Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.

Fav 20 1037 2616
share tweet
(864): View more from South Carolina

he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

Fav 10 5273 860
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(616): View more from Michigan

Princesses don't give blow jobs

Fav 69 2659 5453
share tweet
(712): View more from Iowa

Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

Fav 8 6389 1406
share tweet
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(519): View more from Ontario

My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"

Fav 16 4025 1134
share tweet
(937): View more from Ohio

in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.

Fav 14 1651 869
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(204): View more from Manitoba

Are you alive?

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.

Fav 4 1846 1034
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(757): View more from Virginia

Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going

Fav 0 427 804
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(231): View more from Michigan

I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.

Fav 3 80 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT