I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
