I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
