He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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