It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are we still banned from the library?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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