i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
