When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
