note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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