What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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