I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
