Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
