Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
