whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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