Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need water and some morals
Randomize
