i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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