Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
