My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
