now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
