after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
