Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
