My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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