Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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