in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
