I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
