we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
