I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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