She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
