Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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