Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
