Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
