i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
