Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
