Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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