Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
