I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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