im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
should my penis look like a turkey
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
